Part 39 – Ups and Downs

What a night. What do you want first diary... the good news or the bad?

How about the bad, since it's stuck in my head. A thousand years as a Timelord, you would think I would have learned to handle emotions a bit better. I am stunned, ashamed, and vengeful. Again, one of those closest to me has given a life to protect me. Chancellor Sputnik – Sputters – is dead.

The incarnation that was so carefully, and dangerously, crafted stepped in front of a bullet to protect me in open Council chambers. He's fine – resting comfortably in the ETC, or should I say Mother, as he now seems to call her.

After voting to exile Kharma and Abbot, David just... shot me. Or shot at me, I should say. Oolon stepped in front of me, saving me once again. I am shocked.

You see... David and I had an agreement. This was an elaborate plan to allow Lady Kharma and Lord Abbot to go undercover on a very difficult and dangerous mission. It was decades in the planning, every since the Inner Council was attacked in David's TTC. Both of them, and their TTC's, were in on it. More on that later.

I don't know what happened, what changed his mind – if he was every really part of the plan to begin with. I have no idea if Kharma is with David, or still with me. The plan, which would have helped secure New Gallifrey from ever worrying about Daleks again, has fallen apart. We lost Oolon, and it was his mind that was doing most of the planning. Without that mind, I'm not sure I am up to the task of doing what needs to be done.

I did say there was good news, didn't I?

Every since I regenerated, I have felt closer to being... my true self. I know that I am the manifestation of a great computer, one designed to bridge the gap between Timelord and TARDIS Heart. Some time ago – I made contact. First, it was just glimpses, flashes of events from my past from a different perspective. Then, it became an almost empathic level of communication. Then, finally, real contact.

At first, we “talked” in images and concepts. Then, slowly, we began to merge. Now, I am truly one in thought with what I once was – the SASTAP. To protect my Timelord brain, my Heart still has her “eyes” closed, so that I do not burn from seeing all of creation looking down from the fifth dimension. This body still can not stand that. But we are of one mind now, as it should be.

To that end, I began to move to the next stage, and commune with other TTC's. We learned about each other, and I felt a kinship with them. I am... different from them, just as I am from other Timelords. I am resigned to the fact that I will never truly be at home in either place, but the Hearts seem more welcoming somehow.

They wished to have a voice, to express their support for their Pilots, but to also express concern about the actions of House Prydon. They were also part of the plan. You see, we have found a way back. With my mind firmly rooted in our universe, they gained a perspective they never had before. And we now know how we can breach the transduction barriers around Gallifrey and travel back.

I must complete what I have started, but I need something first. I need to regenerate again, this time into a body that can truly be at one with both universes. However, only Rassilon himself has the genetic information I need to create that body. Him, and my original programming. Either way, I intend to find that information. Kharma wanted to explore her inner Seerer, and learn from the great tellers of Gallifrey's past. And Oolon, he wanted to finally track down The Jinn, as we believe him to date all the back to the dark times.

Now, however, nothing is certain. Sputters is regenerated, and Kharma is off the grid, probably planning my death with David. I feel lost here with my fellow Timelords. It may be time for the TARDISes to decide the next move.

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